I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
