I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
