I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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