We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
