I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
