I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's shark week go big or go home
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
