i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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