dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
