I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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