He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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