No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
