she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
