Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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