so explain again why im purple
no
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
