Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
