Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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