After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
