his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
