The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We have started to decorate penises.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
