sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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