I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
