We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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