I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
