last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
