The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
