Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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