Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
