Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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