i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
