He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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