Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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