woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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