I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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