I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I supernannyed him into submission
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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