she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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