is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
wow bdsm is so cute
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
