someone owes me an orgasm
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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