i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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