i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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