Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
