we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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