Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
