ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
