speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
