I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
