Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
