Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
