i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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