saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize