For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
