I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
