Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
