You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to make out with him forever
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
