In the future we'll all be gay
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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