I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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