this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
