So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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