i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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