I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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