after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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