he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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