it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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