Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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