so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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