Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
