I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
