I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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