Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
