My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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