It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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