Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
