Well apparently he's into motor boating.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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