Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
