Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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