I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
