Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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