Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass