4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
