why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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