This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
