he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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