I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
