I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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