All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
