i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize