she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
