So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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