I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
