I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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