You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
