Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
