Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
