Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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