I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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