So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
