Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
