Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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